In Memory...

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but sometimes life gets in the way...
I'll try to be more consistent - I have a lot of topics to cover.


Today is Veteran's Day - November 11th. We are thankful to all the Veterans who have protected us in war, to those who have lived and died to save our country. While I am thankful to all of the Veterans, this is not a memoriam to them.


Today is the 8th anniversary of my Mom's death. She died at the young age of 60 after suffering a brain aneurysm. She had hip replacement surgery the week before. It was her second night home from the hospital. There are a million conversations we never got to have, funny things I never got to tell her and everything else in between. But the events of 8 years ago between the 10th and 11th of November I can re-live almost every moment. It was 10 of the longest hours of my life from the onset of her aneurysm at home to her last breath at the hospital. While I can re-live those moments, I can't bring myself to type them, this is hard enough.

I can remember the phone calls made afterwards to friends and family. I had some friends and family at the hospital, some stayed all night, some stayed a few hours, some called other family. I had to have my favorite Uncle on my Dad's side tell my best friend, MapleMama, because I couldn't do it. They work at the same place. MapleMama had to tell her Mom. The four of us had become somewhat of a team. MapleMama and I are only children of divorced parents. We may as well be sisters. Our Moms we had nicknamed Betty Crocker (mine) and Martha Stewart (hers...but when Martha was good not evil). One of my friends lives on the West Coast - I live on the East. It was about 4a.m. California time when I called her. I remember the sweater I was wearing. I remember making the ultimate decision that no child or parent should have to make about keeping their loved ones alive. She was not a candidate for surgery as she would have had a 20% chance of survival, and of that 20% chance - there was a nearly 100% chance she would have been in a vegatative state for the rest of her "life". If you knew Mom - you know she was far too much of a live person to have been kept alive like that.

No matter what the experts tell you about the grieving process, you don't get over it. You get through it as best you can from moment to moment, day to day, year to year. People have asked me how I survive or tell me how strong I am. Some days I can't explain either. I'm not strong or really a survivor, but I don't know any better. I still have to get up, go to work and pay my bills.

I was told to move out of my house where Mom and I lived together. In fact, I still live here. I was told to get a dog, because that would fill the void?? I know the cat wouldn't have liked that idea too much either. I'm sure I was told a lot of things (good and bad) and those details have escaped me over the years. I remember the smell and colors of the flowers, even a couple of neighbors I didn't know well dropping off flowers to express their condolescences. I remember the cat having the best days with all the flowers in the house. The spider mums were the cat's favorite as well as the baby's breath.

Some of the good things she has missed include friends' weddings (MapleMama's was the best), vacations, boyfriends - specifically Brian. He's a Yankees fan (hey - opposites attract). He has a good sense of humor, and they would have hit it off, but she still would have been quicker with her wit. She was the baseball fan who "trained" me and therefore, became the Red Sox fan I am today. She was more of a fan though, I think. How I wished she could have lived to see the Red Sox break the curse in 2004.

It wasn't all peaches and cream. I'm not trying to re-write history, but the good stuff is better to remember and the bad stuff I try to forget. Don't get me wrong there were plenty of tumultuous times while I was growing up. Of course, if I had known at 15 she was going to die before I turned 30 - I might have been a better teenager.

So she was a great cook, had a quick wit, was a Red Sox fan, enjoyed the daily crossword and doing crossword puzzles. She had her hair done every week. Before she met Dad and before I was even a thought in their minds, she was apparently quite the style maven. She had told me stories about being able to get one of kind dresses from "the" store in town. The woman had gone to NYC to shows or top notch stores to get them and bring them back. The owner would call Mom and say - "I found just the dress for your next party". We played Scrabble or cards, while watching movies on Sunday in our comfy clothes and eating snacks all day. Holiday meals ended up being whatever we felt like, not what was expected. We had the occasional Easter or Thanksgiving Chinese takeout. Christmas Eve we generally had seafood. Although from reading this you may not get the impression she was full of life, but she was. I have her hands and see her when I type. She was a secretary (when they were called secretaries)at a hospital in different departments for 20 years.

I don't know what I believe in or if I have any faith left...but I can only hope she may be at peace. I can only hope she tries to point me in the right direction. If peace isn't possible, then I hope she has a Dewars on the rocks with a twist nearby and some of her friends to party with...I'll have a margarita and silently toast to her honor with my friends.